I bet from that title everyone knows what this following post is all about. Me! You have to, once again, forgive my lengthy absence from the internetting world for I have been going through some trials and tribulations. As mentioned previously, the time had come to get my back left leg into working order, but it would require operative time. The honey-glazed ham wasn’t the only ham getting sliced this year! Speaking of, send me a slice of honey-glazed ham because that sounds delicious. In opposition to that thought, slicing the Hambone here was not a delicious endeavour. Instead, it was an endeavour laced with confusion and pain and pills. I am a dog and the concept of something opening me up and then putting me back together presents as a confounding series of events since most of my other animal friends with injuries just end up at the glue factory or get eaten by a Tyrannosaurus rex if they lived during the late Cretaceous period. For me, a new ligament was made from a piece of string and POW! The Hambone who once terrorized tennis balls, balloons, blankets, and really anything round-shaped is back! Now, it’s not as simple or short as that last sentence makes it appear because there were a few steps between 3 legged and four legged Ham. First, we had to drive to the place where my pool is located. Second, they had to bring me to the clean place where the cutting tools are located. Third, I fell asleep all of a sudden and then woke up looking like Dad when he gets home at 2AM on the weekends.
Freshly shaved and sliced Ham
Fourth, I had endure the throbbing pain in my leg that could only be mitigated by the sweet relief of modern medicine via pain pills. Fifth, peeing and pooping was terribly difficult when balancing on three good legs with the fourth one pounding worse than your 12 year old neighbor who got a new drumset for Christmas or Hannukah. Sixth, I had to be real amazing and recover like Birdman when he flies close to the Sun to get more energy because some villain has been beating him up real good to the point where he’s all woozy and can barely even say his own name and then he somehow falls upward towards the Sun like gravity all of a sudden reversed and then he comes screaming back down trumpeting “BIIIIIIIRDMAN!”. That was me. HAAAAAAAMMMBOOONE!
Look how stinking happy I am now!
-Hamstringed
A big thank you to all involved in my care, especially to José for being a great friend, businessman and hitter of golf balls (from what I’ve heard)
My Life as a Ham 